A HUNDO

I know I love her but I’m starting to doubt myself, see she has four kids; the biggest reason why I put the proposal on the shelf

I know I’m ready to be the man she needs me to be, but I’m not sure if I’m ready to have a whole family, that’s a huge responsibility to take on when I only have one, hell I can’t propose now I’m in a custody battle thats not even done

Plus you don’t understand my child’s mama, if she found out I was taking on four kids she would blow like Osama, another reason why I doubt myself is she gets included in everything, even a conversation with myself about buying you a ring

I’m not sure if I could stand the temptation of not trying to right wrongs from my past, and your kids deserve more than to be in a rotating cast, I do love her enough to know she deserves to be happy forever, but I’m not sure if I wont go when I get that call to put the fam back together

EMOTIONAL SUICIDE πŸ’”

This rainy weather has me wondering what to do, I swear I’m out here talking like it’s just me and you

My muse is my monster that I created from nights I should have just masturbated

Nights I could have just come home lonely, but it was damn near impossible with all these females on me

I gave in to temptation like a sodomite, two eights make a sixteen and they down to dyke

Instances like that tipped the scale, or when I would be verbally abusive coming home ripped as hell

You can go ahead and leave this is not an abduction, have you ever seen someone’s eyes turn to hate from seduction ?

Those tears turned into laughter and the more she pulled away the more I ran after but I was never fast enough to recapture

The closest I’ve come is love letters and apologies, oh and Poems from The Trap Vol. 1 the anthology

VIRGINIA IS FOR LOVERS

Thank you for taking time out of your day to read my thoughts ✍🏾✍🏾✍🏾

DRUGZ..  how many of us need them??  DRUGZ… How many of us use them?? .. DRUGZ… How many of us need them?? Let’s be real

Everybody has a vice, some are accepted and some make people look twice, some roll up to forget and be at ease, some pop pills and blame it on their knees, one time I talked to a dude that huffed freon, I just listened as he told me about the high he on

Some break out the skis and go on holiday, not Christmas but Doc they act erratic in a way, others travel with a tourniquet and have to tie off to get their blast, if they aspirate this will be their last

Some people argue whether or not this one should qualify, but it has to be a drug if you keep drinking after your first D.U.I, you can chalk it up as just having too much fun, but it has to be a drug at least when you catch your second one, you figured it out so now you only drink at home, only problem is you drove everyone away so now you’re all alone

Not to leave anyone out we got the hardest working on the list, sell their daughters laptop for ten minutes worth of bliss, can fix the engine on everything from a 72 Impala to a Rolls-Royce wraith, swear on his mama grave and he was with her yesterday, come on baby I got you when my check come on payday, needless to say a week later he got the beats by Dre

DRUGZ..  how many of us need them??  DRUGZ… How many of us use them?? .. DRUGZ… How many of us need them?? Let’s be real

THE STOP: LIFE & TIMES OF YA BOY (PART 1)

So I hop in the car throw the food in the seat, put my seatbelt on and Gucci Mane on repeat, I pulled out the parking lot took a right, saw a car come from out of  nowhere in my peripheral sight

I got to the stop sign make sure I make a complete stop just in case it is a sheriff or a city cop, ease off, so far things going my way; that’s all until I hit the signal to freedom to get on the highway

BOOM!! there it is they light me up, I pull over slow to drink this goose I had in a cup, FUK!! I got a salary on me, my smoke pack, and a 40 caliber eagle under the seat with black talons in it by my feet, look in the rearview I’m counting seven sets of lights on me, yep it’s apparent you’re going in tonight homey

One comes to the window with a shakey pistol damn near shoot my ass, I know the drill left hand throw keys out the window fast, sir I have a gun under the seat I didn’t want to pull it in plain view, but hold up wait a minute.. I know you..?? I’m out on bond now braah you made it two

CONGRATULATIONS super cop now you got me on two, nah no need to take a test I’ll wait on my lawyer I think that would be best, and can you please put your pistol at rest I’m nervous that you’re nervous and pointing at my chest

LET IT LONE

Let it lone time to turn the page go to the hobby store and buy you some sage, let the pain dissipate, in the fuk shit you don’t have to participate, take that energy and transform it into a tangible entity, the universe will place everything at your feet you don’t have to search for chemistry, it’s easy to lose yourself replaying prior events when you do that you welcome memories of nonsense, I’m not just speaking from an outside view, believe it or not I’ve played the fool a time or two, I’m just trying to give you the cheat code for everything I’ve been through, remember I’ve survived a terrorist and her insurgent crew

FIX ME

How can you fix me if I don’t even know what’s wrong with me myself and I’m not going to the doctor I can handle my own mental health

Every time I break pattern you think it’s because I have something to hide when in actuality I had a lot on my mind and I just needed to ride free my mind focus inside

Apparently you’re never going to forget or forgive about the past, therefore I exercise my right to terminate my contract  and leave this cast, now you can sleep and play those games on your phone the same way you made me want to be which is  alone, arrivederci, adios, I’m leaving this dictatorship situation, you doing all that snooping and didn’t see your friends been waiting on my emancipation

BALL & CHAIN

I love her because she doesn’t except anything but the best from me if she feels like I’m not trying she won’t be complacent with less from me and she doesn’t need me monetarily

From the outside it looks like she’s always riding my back but most times I’m procrastinating and she loves me enough not to go for that

Only the two of us know everything that really transpires, both of us hurt each other pull out cans and fan the fires, sometimes I have too much fun and need a P.O. sometimes I need someone to tell me places not to go, she has a good heart and a nerd like Steve Urkel, luckily she has me to pluck squares out of her circle

Pillow talk and the dreams we share in common fuel the fire our twin flames burn in our soul, we’re on some other other shit which makes us love bold, we say things we don’t mean just to be the one upper, things that make me order out and not eat her supper, everybody loves both of us so they try and intervene, but we’re trying something new conflict resolution over Wintergreen, it’s been working please continue to pray for us, we got this just please stay out the way of us

FUK ON ME

She said she was tired of men trying to fuk on her!! like she’s supposed to be impressed because he can spend a buck on her ??

She likes talking phycology and the phases of the moon; not to mention if you did the math she can afford to buy her own spoon and if you’re gonna do right you better do it soon

She said most men were average and it’s only been a few to unlock her mind and see her intellectual savage, she smokes every now and then; she’ll tell you if you ask she doesn’t see a need to pretend

I could hear the pain in her voice during our conversation, she said it worried her because it seemed like sex was the only thing men were chasing, plus a roof and someone with an occupation, what happened to our generations dedication? ? Sheesh

She said that she was so much more than that, and the only thing she needed was her equal to massage her back, she wanted to go to sleep worry free and not have to wonder if her future was worth living to see, all she wants is to activate the wonder twins and not wonder where that other bracelet has been; but time and time again she finds herself getting fuked on by the enemy and not her best friend, she said because you know you’re my best friend right big head? Yeah diddo to what you just said

She said thanks for listening and not trying to fuk on me.. when you find you’re what I’m looking for.. we’re gonna have to approve her and put all our conversations on speakerphone to soothe her

#LEXICONKILLER

WHERE IM AT WITH IT

Im at war with God trying to rewrite his words he says one thing I do what I prefer, fork in the road I go straight; at least that way it’s a 50/50 fate, I have more victories than I have losses, I can politic with the masses and converse with bosses; but that’s the part I’m trying to rewrite I’m trying to get them all to see they’re bosses in their own rite, I hope my words reach someone and inspires them to be better than I have, if I made it through they can definitely withstand the wrath, keep your head up redemption is closer than you think, keep your head up no matter what you can’t sink, keep your head up never hit the ground, keep your head up you can’t tip the crown, keep your head up the babies looking up, keep your head up, it’s a half full cup